I'm dead, so now what?
by Ryuukiba-Grimm Scarlette
Summary: Karin dies in a bank robbery and gets sent to the Soul Society. Chaos and butt-kicking ensue. Nice to meet ya, please enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello people, nice to meet ya.**

**here's my story, I hope you like it, please review, you know how much we writers appreciate it.**

* * *

"THIS IS A ROBBERY!, GET ON THE GROUND, ON THE GROUND PEOPLE" 5 men burt through the pristine glass doors brandishing black guns and wearing ski masks of different colours, blood red, grass green, sickly yellow, iris purple and blank white.

And cue the ensuing chaos, with the exception of an elderly lady with ash-grey hair and coal coloured eyes.

"Hey old hag on the ground NOW!"the man with the red mask

"No."

...

"I'm _sorry,_ what was that?" Obviously bewildered

"No I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you were hard of hearing, i'll repeat it for you. I said NO, dimwit."

"Look here ya hag, do you see what's in my hand?"

"Of course I do, I'm old, not blind."

"Then why aren't you on the ground with the others!?" he barks at her, by now over his confusion and just plain pissed. "this is a robbery, you're a hostage, if you don't get on the ground I will-"

"Hey kid" The lady calls over her shoulder to a boy, who in the confusion, had crawled under a desk. "Think you can pass me your ball?"  
The kid nods sheepishly before rolling the ball to the woman's feet, before immediately shuffling further under the desk.

"What do you think you're doing?" the blue mask asks

"Target practice." the lady states as though it were perfectly obvious, though to anyone who knew Kurosaki Karin, it was.

The following sounds would ring through the many witnesses for many days, the sound of Karin's foot hitting the ball, it making contact with the red mask's face, the sound of the green mask's gun going of, and the thud of the falling bodies.

Slap,

Bang,

Thud.

* * *

"Hey Sensei, why am I doing this again?" A panting blue haired youth calls to his teacher, who has the guise of taking a nap, in a tree...

"..."

"SENSEI!"

"Have you done 1000 sprints yet?"

"NO, but why do I-"

"Then why did you wake me up?"

"Because this exercise is pointless, You should be teaching me how to use a-"

"Gaki. I'm not explaining my lessons, you figure them out on your own, now let me sleep, I'm getting the feeling I'm going to need my energy."

"But Sensei!"

"Shut it, now sprint, and no shunpo, you'll wake me up."

"Bu-"

"I said SHUT IT Grimmjow"


	2. HI, HI, HI, HI, HI, HI

**Hi, Please don't kill me, its nice to see you again, a great big thank you to my subscribers: Nx10125, Greenbear327, Devilishduck, Narutofan3721, Fbfbg, Hitsukarin4lyf and Tomboy8888, I'm glad you liked it, here's chapter 2.**

**But to Hitsukarin4lyf, I'm afraid this is not a Hitsu-karin fic, in fact i wont be using many pairings, sorry.**

**Please enjoy.**

Standing amidst the silence of the bank, Karin has only one remark,

"Huh, missed it, I was aiming for his gut, ehh the head works too." Somewhat pleased with her work, if slightly miffed that she had missed her target "Hey Kid, thanks for the ball."

...

"Kid?" she crouches down so she's at eye level and waves a hand in his face, only to notice that her hand is mildly see through, and the chain protruding from her chest as it clinks against the floor. "Well that backfired"

Karin turns away from the boy to examine the scene, the first thing she notices is her body on the ground, with a small red dot in the middle of her forehead. Scattered across the floor the five masked men were lying unconscious.

The wail of the police sirens pierce through the shocked silence and a garbled voice begins to call through a megaphone.

"Well I should probably find Ichi-nii, get a konso and all that... I can't wait to see his face."

"Karin where are you?" a petit grey haired woman calls out "It's nearly dinner."

...

"I could have sworn she was here, and she promised she'd have dinner with me today."

"_heh, Yuzu, still notices us ghosts, but still can't see us, ahh well it was worth a shot, guess I really need to find Ichi-nii now._" Karin sighs, saddened that her sister cannot see her. "Well Yuzu, I'll see you in the afterlife."

And with that Karin glides out of the open window in search of her older brother.

* * *

"ICHI-NII, WHERE ARE YOU? ICHI-NII!"

…

"ICHI-NII GET YOUR BUT OVER HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND KICK YOUR ASS."… "ICHI-"

"Geez, I'm right here, what do you… want…" his words trail off as he notices the fairly obvious chain sticking out on his little sisters chest. "Whe-when, did you die?"

"About five minutes ago, why?"

"How can you be this calm about being dead."

"Because the worst the afterlife has to offer, is a bunch of crazy people, I've been dealing with those my whole life."

"True" and he being the one who still on occasion is 'woken up' by their sanely questionable father. "I guess I have to send you on" he sighs dejectedly, not entirely looking forward to sending his little to god knows which part of rukongai she might end up in.

"Ehh, not yet."

"Huh" confusion is written all over his face.

"I wanna see my funeral."

"akayyyy- YOU WANNA DO WHAT!?"

* * *

"Sensei, I finished" Grimmjow calls up to the person sleaping in the tree

WHACK

"You're slow." she mutters after the rock hits him in the forehead.

"AM NOT, I did it in under 30 minutes, no shunpo" he complains, rubbing the red spot on his forehead that's actually bleeding a bit.

"mmhhm. if you can do it in under 15 I will admit you have speed." she mutters, falling back asleep.

"Can I learn how to use a sword yet" He asks impatiently.

"Nope, 1000 pull ups, use the branch on the monkey tree by the butt boulder, no reishi enhancement" she commands

"WHY!?"

"Don't question it, just do it, if you can't figure it out the sucks to be you."

"SENSEI!"

"Shut it, just get to work."

"Fine... che" he disappears in the blink of an eye

"Brat, you need to get stronger before I teach you the difficult stuff, I don't want ya ta die on me now, I've had enough o' that"

* * *

**Thank you for reading, I will update when I can, until then I bid you adieu.**


	3. Bonjour mes amis

**Hi again, nice to see ya. chappy 3 is here and I should be getting karin into the soul society by the end, Heres the chapter, I hope you like it.**

**by the way this is about a week or so after the robbery, funerals aren't ****arranged overnight.**

* * *

"I can't believe You're doing this" Ichigo grumbles as he approaches the grave site.

"What, you've never thought about attending your own funeral, just to see who shows up?" Karin questions eagerly, seeming to enjoy the situation.

"No, I already know who would show up, it's not like I know that many people, living or dead."

"True, besides, all your friends could see you anyways, it would be pretty boring, ehh Ichi-nii?"

...

"Ichi-nii" Karin persists

"Shh, your friends are showing up." He half whispers trying to move his mouth as little as possible.

"You'd make a good ventriloquist."

...

"Fine" She stops talking, but isn't very happy about it.

"Kurosaki-san, You are Kurosaki Ichigo right?" Asks a bony man with square glasses as he approaches with a bent over man with two tone silver-black hair and a boney man with mountain-peak eyebrows.

"Yes, You're Karins friends aren't you. She and Yuzu have told me about you."

"Where is Yuzu-san?" The man with mountain-peak eyebrows asks

"She is coming, she hasn't felt too well since the... incident, she should be here soon."

"Oh, I understand" they all fall silent.

"Onii-san!" A frail voice calls from the entrance to the graveyard.

"Yuzu!" Ichigo runs up to his younger sister as she begins to walk down the path, Yuzu doesn't appear to need much assistance despite her deceivingly fragile figure.

"Hello Yuzu-san" the second man greets her,

"Hello Toba-san, it has been a while. it is good to see you all again, though I would have preferred it to be under different circumstances."

"Ahhh, yes."

* * *

Ehh, this isn't as interesting as I thought, they all look depressed, well it's a funeral so I really should have seen that coming.

But when did Ichi-nii get so good at acting? He actually looks sad.  
I should probably visit mom's grave while I'm here, I wonder if the priest is confused why dad doesn't have one yet, I mean it's not like he knows that the old man's in a gigai that will never age, eh that guys so old he probably can't remember what he had for breakfast yesterday.  
Speaking of old where's old goat-face at, I somewhat doubt he's going to miss this, whether he has to be in soul form or not, now, most ridiculous place to hide is...

Beside mom's grave apparently, or maybe he's actually gotten an 'adult' mode where he doesn't have to behave like a toddler hyped up on, what's that thing called, oh yeah, hyped up on mountain dew, that shit's practically pure sugar.

Karin interrupts her internal monologue to yell.

"Hey Goat-face!"

"Karin, my daughter, come give your father a hu-" and there goes adult mode.

"SLAM"

"Like hell I will old man, seriously, can't you behave like an adult for more then 5 seconds!?" she reprimands the questionably conscious man she had just punched into a nearby tombstone.

"Karin, why must you be so violent?"

"Thats a pretty good right hook for an old lady." a child-like voice calls from above the graveyard.

"Pleas, I'm old, not weak... wait, who the hell are you?" Karin shouts at the pink haired person hanging upside down in the sky.

"ku, ku, ku, I'm Scar, nice to meet you, ehh?" The pinkette tilts her head like a puppy,

"Karin, Kurosaki Karin, what are you doing here?" Karin replies like upside down people with strange names are a part of daily life, granted if she's met Shinji...

"Visiting a grave of my friend."

"Eh, what's their name."

"On this one, I think it's Shiroyashi Nora." Scar mutters distractedly peering at the tombs

"Interesting name, wait, this one? She has more than one grave?"

"Yup, nine of em, now let's see where is it, ahh, over there." Scar lands in front of a tomb a few rows away with a small red incense pot on the top, though it wasn't burning anything.

"So your friend, what's their real name?" Karin asks as she wanders over to the tomb

"Huh, oh, it's 'Alley', well thats a nickname really but she never actually uses the real one."

"Oh, so why does she have _nine_ graves?"

"Nine dead bodies, eh, she wasn't a normal human, then again neither are you, or that guy you punched, who is he by the way?" Scar replies whilst looking in the incense pot.

"My dad."

*Clatter*

The pot drops to the ground as Scar twirls around in confusion

"Huh?"

"He's a shinigami, I'm recently dead, but I was human while I was alive, so ended I up looking older than him." Karin explains with a shrug

"Cool." Scar shrugs it off and crouches down to pick up the pot, and a key clatters out. "There it is."

"A key?"

"Yup, Alley never makes anything easy to do, even her will had to be deciphered, then in order to actually know what the heck she's left everybody we've all had to go to some odd places to find fragments of her actual will."

"You have a weird friend."

"Yup" Scar says with a big grin before exclaiming "Oh hi!" with a great big wave to someone over Karin's shoulder.

"Hello?" Ichigo replies bemused by the strange person talking with his sister.

"Hiya!"

"Hey Ichi-nii" Karin greats non-chalantly as her brother arrives at their location.

"HELLLLOOOOO MY SOOOOO- OOOFFF" Ishin comes in with a flying kick, but is thwarted by a punch to the gut from ichigo. "Well done my son" he half whispers as he collapses on a nearby tombstone, again.

"Is that some sort of family tradition?" Scar asks eyebrows knot in confusion as she points at the twitching Ishin

"By this point, yeah lets call it that." Karin agrees like there really isn't a point in thinking the whole issue through. "So Ichi-nii, the funeral over yet?"

"Why do you think I'm here, I'm not actively trying to convince people I'm crazy. But yeah, I'm going to make sure yuzu get's home safely before I leave my body, so I was going to ask you to come back with us, but since the old man's here if you want to hang around or go somewhere it should be okay if you stick with him..." Ichigo concedes reluctantly

"I don't need a baby-sitter Ichi-nii"

"Well if you're worried about hollows then leave it to me, me and Yami can take care of them no problem!" Scar exclaims with plenty of energy.

"And I am most definitely not being babysat by a kid."

"Hey, I'm 802, I'm not a kid!"

...

...

...

"What?"

"Hey, I am a reaper after all"

"You're a shinigami?"

"Ehhh, sorta, but don't worry, hollow are no problem!"

*Sigh*

"Just try to stay somewhere I can find you, but stick with the old man if you can, If he starts to annoy you, well you can always punch him."

"True, take your time Ichi-nii."

"I'll be back." He replies

"See you 'round Berry-chan"

...

...

...

"How'd you know Ichi-nii's full name?" Karin questions with a serious look on her face.

"Eh?"

"You called him Berry-chan, the only reason you would call him that is if you knew his name was Ichigo, we never said his name."

"Oh, oops, eh, well your big brother is a bit of a celebrity, so my other reason for coming here was to spar with him."

"Really?"

"Mmmhhmm"

"You, said your a reaper, so why haven't you just sent me on?"

"Ehh, and not let you say goodbye properly? Now that would be just mean." Scar states with a small pout.

"I suppose."

* * *

48 minutes and 36 seconds later.

* * *

"I'm back!" Ichigo calls out, but this time he does't look like an old man but a young adult with blazing orange hair spiked up like flames.

"Hey Ichi-nii"

"ICHIGOOOO- OOOF"

"Dammit old man just stay unconscious!" Karin and Ichigo yell at their father

"Yeesh, can't that geezer just give up with that already" Ichigo complains "Well we should get this over with."

"Yup"

"But first, just a little warning."

"Huh?"

"Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to join twelfth squad okay."

"You mean the demented clowns squad?"

"Yes"

"No problem, I don't particularly understand why people join that one in the first place."

*Shudder* (Kurotsuchi is just one messed up wackadoodle)

"Goodbye Ichi-nii, come visit me sometime alright."

"Of course I will Karin" Ichigo replies in a soft ton as he hugs his little/elderly sister

They maintain the hug for a couple seconds before separating and Ichigo removes the large cleaver like sword from his back and presses the hilt (?) against Karin's forehead leaving a blue token like mark.

"See you next time Ichi-nii" she says with a smile as she disappears.

...

The graveyard is quiet and Ichigo prepares to leave until a girls voice shouts "FIGHT ME!"

"Oh shit" Ichigo exclaims as the temporarily forgotten Scar comes charging at ichigo with her weapons drawn, only for ichigo to dodge and start running away.

"Hey where're you going Berry-chan"

"Away from the nut-job that just charged at me with a pair of Katana."

"One of them's a wakizashi!"

"Doesn't matter it's still a sword"

"Come back here Berry-chan!"

* * *

**And thats all 'till next time, longest chapter yet, hopefully I can keep it up.**


	4. Hola amigos

**Hello my readers, It is good to see you again and thank you to all my new subscribers, Here is ze new chappy so lets get on with the show! (=^_^=)⎠**

* * *

Rukongai 80th Zaraki district.

* * *

Alright, where am I and why am I asleep? And why on the ground... Karin ponders as she drifts into consciousness.

"Hey, you awake? Hello?" a boys voice interrupts her thoughts

Who's that, he doesn't sound familiar, wait... I'm Rukongai, why would it sound similar, the only guy I know who could be here so far is Kei, and this is definitely not him she thinks while the mystery boy begins to prod her forehead.

"Sensei, are you sure this is the right person I think their dead"

*Smack*

"If she was dead then her body would be dissolving, think before you open your mouth Gaki." the boy's 'sensei' scolds him in a gruff manner.

"And _she_ can hear you so if you don't mind being a little quieter please." Karin adds in so as not to be forgotten as she sits up and sends an unaimed punch in the general direction of the boy, missing the 'target' but getting him to back off all the same. "And if either of you could tell me where I am that would be great." She continues and takes a look at her, companions, finders, whatever they are, and is somewhat surprised by their appearance, not that many people expect to be woken up by a blue haired kid poking you and a lithe blond lady with green slit pupil eyes smacking the kid on his head for being an idiot, nor do they expect to wake up in the middle of a foreign forest.

"Just outside Zaraki district, Rukongai, soul society" The blond lady states as she leans over, offering Karin a hand, twin braids swinging forward to reveal dark coloured objects hidden in the centre, "I'm Alley, want some help up?" the lady offers with a lopsided grin.

"Thanks, I'm Karin." Karin replies matching Alley's grin "Who're you?" she questions the blue haired youth, who is now skulking on the side since her punch was closer to hitting him than she thought.

"Grimmjow."

"AKA, the kid who's getting punishment laps around the lake because of bad reflexes."

"Sensei!"

"You barely dodge an unaimed punch from a person with their eyes closed, and she wasn't even using rieshi enhancement, honestly, you'd think I hadn't been teaching you anything the past 5 months, I mean really, she's a newbie even." Alley scolds him with a smack to the head.

"Well it's not like I was fucking expecting her to punch me." he retorts with a dark scowl

"Not the point, you let your guard down, _that's_ the point, and watch your mouth."

"In his defence I did learn to fight when I was alive, though if you can't dodge a 92 year-old woman then that is kinda sad." Karin interjects in the 'friendly' interaction between teacher and student.

""92?"" They both spin on their heel to face her, Grimmjow's face the definition of confusion, while Alley's contained a slight frown.

"Yeah, thats how old I was when I died." Karin states in one of those tones people reserve for talking to small children.

"Well then Karin, you got reset when you came over, if not then you are the youngest 92 year old I have ever seen." Alley remarks with a even wider grin than before, "And considering how rare that is, I'd say I was right, something interesting is going to happen soon."

"Interesting?" Karin asks with a frown just before an oppressing aura settles on them all and a monstrous howl echoes across the forest.

"Hollow" Alley calls with a even wider smile, if thats even possible, before ejecting two slim blades with ebony handles from the dark spots within her braids. "Be back in a sec, don't wander off." She calls over her shoulder as she leaps into the trees, not even visible as she leaves the lower branches.  
In the distance a black coloured giant with a blank mask begins to tear itself out of the sky, before disappearing in a great flash of black and green energy.

* * *

12th squad, observation room 14.

* * *

"What the... Hey Akon come see this, a Menos grande just appeared in Zaraki district."

Then dispatch someone to handle it Hiyosu."

"Don't need to, it disappeared."

"What are you talking about Menos don't just disappear."

"This one did, and there aren't any reapers in Zaraki, so who took care of it?"

* * *

**Did you like it, I'm sorry for any OOCness. Yes I will explain things eventually, just wait a bit please.**

**Oh and since I haven't done this in a while, I do not own bleach, if I did the Yachiru would be the main character, I only own my OCs and plot bunnies, both of which I have too many to keep track of.**

**Please comment, even flames are greatly appreciated, they tell me what's wrong, and if you want a good story I kinda need to know how to fix it up.**


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